Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

THEE NYG SWAG THREAD

Collapse
This is a sticky topic.
X
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • For musicians:

    A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

    After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

    A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."

    An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

    Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

    The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development."
    This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.

    Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.
    The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
    On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

    The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest—and closes the bar.
    "Sir, I was wondering: did you happen to catch the professional football contest on television last night?"
    "No...I didn't."
    "Oh it was most exhilarating: the Giants of NY took on the Packers of Green Bay and in the end the Giants triumphed by kicking an oblong ball made of pigskin through a big H. It was a most ripping victory."

    Comment


    • Originally posted by JoeBigBlue View Post
      For musicians:

      A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

      After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

      A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."

      An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

      Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

      The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development."
      This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.

      Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.
      The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
      On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

      The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest—and closes the bar.
      I don't get it, but it looks very funny.

      Comment


      • Julius Caesar walks into a bar. "I'll have a martinus," he says. The Bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, "Don't you mean a 'martini'?"
        "Look," Caesar retorts, "If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for it!"

        Comment


        • A guy walks into a barber shop, asks "Bob Peters here? " barber replies "Nope. Just cut hair."

          Comment


          • Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!"

            Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

            Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"

            Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.

            Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"

            Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"

            Comment


            • Jumper cable walks into a bar, the bartender says "Don't start anything in here."

              Comment


              • A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, 'First offender?' She says, 'No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!'

                Comment


                • What is Forrest Gump's password?











































                  1forrest1

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by jmike View Post
                    Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!"

                    Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

                    Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"

                    Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.

                    Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"

                    Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"
                    See, this one is funny. I liked it.
                    Oderint Dum Metuant

                    It's too bad, I'm too good....

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by jmike View Post
                      Jumper cable walks into a bar, the bartender says "Don't start anything in here."

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by dezzzR View Post
                        Because I don't want to.

                        Comment


                        • Whats everyone doing for ya muddas Sunday, or ya babies mudda?

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by dezzzR View Post
                            Whats everyone doing for ya muddas Sunday, or ya babies mudda?
                            Oh ****, I forgot, need to get something for my sister. Thanks.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by dezzzR View Post
                              Whats everyone doing for ya muddas Sunday, or ya babies mudda?
                              Don't know what im getting her, but I think we're just doing brunch at my brother's. It's their way of being lazy so they don't have to celebrate for both my mom and his wife's mom.
                              Meanwhile, the rest of us have to suffer through ha day together lol
                              Oderint Dum Metuant

                              It's too bad, I'm too good....

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by JoeBigBlue View Post
                                For musicians:

                                A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

                                After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

                                A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."

                                An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

                                Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

                                The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development."
                                This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.

                                Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.
                                The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
                                On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

                                The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest—and closes the bar.

                                ay carumba!

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X