"Charges of sexual misconduct against star linebacker Lawrence Taylor were dismissed today , LT was quoted as saying "Now why would i do that when i just finished paying for these?"
Whatever your day job is, Harooni, please please jesus don't give it up. For your children's sake. For their children's sake. For MY children's sake. For all humanity, actually.
"Plans to reenact the historic 2011 Giants Vs 49ers championship game were announced today, with the part of Eli Manning being played by sesame streets elmo. "
"After fans were told by the general manager that fourth round tight end Adrian Robinson was the "JPP of TE's", many went and purchased his jersey. Having not being able to play in two seasons due to injury, many fans are understandably disgusted by the fourth round pick, and are shedding away and evidence to remind them of his miserable career thus far."